Pfandtastic/Singing

Above we have a bit of Kreuzberg street art to brighten up my musings. One of my favourite pieces so far. I took a decent picture of it the other day but have yet to upload it. This will do for now.


With a crowd of approximately 2,500 looking on with increased expectation and the sun beating fiercely down, you would think a Kinks number would have gone down well on a Sunday afternoon. Alas, Born to be Wild was the song of choice. No nerves. Just sat there, shades on, content they would be singing at some point during this five hour feast of public jousting and at times death. The humiliation came in many forms – the weird drunk topless bloke who veered on stage, grabbed the microphone and just ranted was a personal favourite. Then we had the Brazilian who knew all of the lyrics to Sex Bomb by Tom Jones. At least he had a decent voice. Most bizarre was the old man with long grey hair who was a kind of miniature (non-fat) Bill Bailey look-alike who was doing a jig I would have been proud at in Ku Klub. He did not even bother with the stage but pranced around the amphitheatre like a court jester who knew his place.

As a few of you noticed I discovered a voting option on the blog last time. I thought I’d utilise this functionality to assess how observant you all are – not very as it turns out. Either that or you need a TV debate to stimulate you. It was inconclusive (I can’t see a Kinks/Pulp coalition working) but now I know it works so expect votes in the future. They will hopefully be of consequence unlike the karaoke question. Mauerpark’s Bear Pit Karaoke has to be seen in the summer to comprehend fully why it generates such a party atmosphere. We first visited this Berlin institution last November and even then saw its capacity for hilarity. However there were only a handful of people in attendance and it was not the weather to be knocking back the Berliner Pilsner. In short, an Irish bloke and his friends arrive on a push bike with a laptop, microphone, video camera and two speakers. 2,000 – 3,000 people turn up and are sold cheap beer by local entrepreneurs and the mess is cleaned up by the crowd with the help of other entrepreneurs who come and collect the empty glass bottles. Everyone gets quite merry shall we say. I have a funny “Pfand” story for later too.

In our group there were just four of us when the moment came to run on stage and try and get your name on the list to face the bear pit. Luckily for me and Luisa it was Max who had the courage to put his name down for Born to be Wild! He rocked the place and was a hit with the crowd. Max had the two key attributes that make a good performer at this level. He knew the words and he can sing. There is no way I will EVER blaze on to that stone circle and sing. Those who have heard me sing will agree (that for me!) this is a good thing. For those hoping for a massive laugh at an out of tune, rhythmically left wanting northern guy, making a fool of himself in the German capital, it is I agree, a bad thing. Luisa is keen but wants to do a duet. Let’s hope we make more friends quickly then as she can be very persuasive…

Pfand is not a new phenomenon. I remember when I was at Nana Wilson’s in the 80’s, the pop van would trundle round the estate and the residents of Gardener Square would have their empty glass bottles of Dandelion & Burdock and other Sykes’ pop ready in return for cash – I think it was a couple of pence although I look forward to being corrected when I see you Nana. I have now worked out how to get the 1.5 Euro I pay in Pfand at Lidl back. It’s very simple actually. There are subtle nuances of Pfand that I am yet to master though. This resulted in me chasing (a fast walk) a tramp, that clearly used his tracksuit bottoms as a toilet, up the road, in a quest to redeem a measly (POTENTIAL) 1.75 Euro in Pfand. The worst part is I failed and had to put seven plastic bottles in the recycling. I still don't know if I can get money for these bottles. Who needs karaoke when you can inflict that sort of disgrace on ones self?

The Berliner remains friendly, we have moved to Friedrichshain and we have even been taught how to pronounce the name of our new neighbourhood by a very patient East German. I’ve stopped comparing as much but did meet a Dutch chap who has just moved to Berlin to set up a comparison website which was a comical coincidence – especially when I briefed him to tell Luisa she looked like the man from Go Compare. Luisa proof reads my blog so I’ll stop now as she charges by the minute.

Bis dann

Wilson

PS – Well done to my sister for her VSO placement in Cambodia!

Trains, bike lanes and child-mobiles

Our nephew Hugo says Luisa looks like the Italian man on the Go Compare adverts. We therefore used to find the Go Compare adverts highly amusing. One of the few things I miss about British TV. That’s quite worrying – on many levels. I suppose it is human nature, for whatever reason, to compare. I’m constantly doing it. I do it with the price of a beer from the local shop. It’s 20p here as there is a ‘special’ on. It was 30p when I arrived. I even do it with where white goods are positioned and think through the logic to see which country has won that war. The German’s have won the battle of the washing machine. They keep it in the bathroom. Eminently sensible, as you don’t want dirty clothes near food.

I thought I’d miss Five Live and reading a paper copy of The Guardian but the online version of the paper has been suffice and I don’t miss Nicky Campbell – at all. When I started to review our two weeks in Berlin it suddenly dawned on me that although it felt like we had done quite a bit – we had in fact, in terms of ‘attractions’, done extraordinarily little. I then read the International Spiegel and realised why. There has been a heat wave for the past two weeks and Luisa and I have been cycling and walking in an attempt to scope out areas to live, drink and dine. At first I just assumed they had really hot summers and this was the norm for a Berlin July. Then I read that trains were coming to a halt (this is a big deal – air con not working on a Deutsch Bahn train to Köln made front page news) and fish were dying in the local canals as they were being starved of oxygen due to the heat wave. The low 80’s is usual – not the high 90’s. Having a siesta each day now sounds quite sensible. I wish we’d done it more often.

On the subject of how people transport kids in this city, loads of parents have these ‘child trailers’. I just find it amusing. I don’t have much to say about them although they do look handy if you do a ‘big shop’. If we stay for years I’ll get one as I was always tempted by the trolleys that older people use – like Nana Wilson. Nana Wilson’s trolley is multi purpose as she uses it as a wind shield. Genius.

The flat hunting is amusing, which is a good job, as it is also a bit of a chore. So far, we have had an art exhibition of demonstrations in Berlin, with commentary from Frau M Scheydner, who incidentally did not give us her forename. That’s quite formal for a younger Berliner. My favourite picture was of lots of quite aggressive looking youths on the Kreuzberg-Friedrichshain border near the Spree River. It was of the annual water fight! This takes place in August. We’ll hopefully be living in one of these two boroughs longer term. If you want to live in Berlin’s answer to Crouch End, with lots of American and French people and would like a sly landlady then let me know as we have the details for Frau Dronski, who laughed when I opened a wardrobe and it nearly fell off its hinges. “It’s an antique”, she claimed. It was just old and of poor quality. Luisa also noticed that she failed to smile with her eyes. This is now a pre-requisite – added to the list which contains, ‘a bed rather than just a mattress on the floor’. No need to compare landlords – they seem pretty similar in the main. Mostly useless with some genuinely nice people.

I’ll close with further evidence for and against the friendly nature of the Berliner. In the red (for, naturally) corner we have our neighbour Stefan who we spoke to yesterday evening. We said we’d share wine soon. We also have the person who sold us 50 Euro worth of PAYG phones for 20 Euro, (she also gave us her landlords details – unfortunately she lived in a shoe box) and the woman that we are meeting tonight who is giving us (for free) two cinema tickets she cannot use. Unfortunately they are for the Twilight Saga. My penance for Luisa having to endure the World Cup. There is also Thomas of British Lion’s FC who has invited me to play in a football tournament on Saturday. In the blue (nice to see Gove making a hash of things, sorry, wrong blog but more about that another time) corner we have the miserable tertiary sector people we have dealt with. The old man in the local beer garden is really miserable and quite rude and wins my new rudest person of the week award. And yes Judge, this is coming from me! He brightened up when I spoke German though so perhaps we just caught him on a bad day. With only an old man in the blue corner I think it is safe to say that the blues are taking a beating…

Bis Dann,
Wilson

I am English

March 2010

My German has improved significantly, since standing on a U-bahn train in Berlin, shouting, in panic, "I am English" when being asked if this was the correct train for a destination I did not know, in what I guessed was German. The girl probably just wanted to know if the train went east. This week I managed to write a whole side of (I wish I could say A4 as that sounds more impressive) A5 in German, detailing a fictional meeting with Luisa in a cafe. I found out her name, where she was from, where she lived and bought her a coffee - I said I'd pay to the waitress too. Smooth.

July 2010

Saturday - 6:20am

My German probably has not improved since leaving the UK. We've been in Berlin a week and hardly had the chance. Our classes at Goethe were not really geared towards explaining that the second hand bike you were purchasing needed a rear light, the brakes fixing and you wanted a bike that did not screech. Who needs the lingo when you can use sign language and as Luisa did - get the whole shop making screeching noises?! Anyway, I promised a blog, so here it is for what it is worth.

This blog is going to be dedicated to Nana Wilson - hello Nana! Sit comfortably in that new chair and put your feet up. I will write Nana (using a pen) but for now you'll have to read printed out versions of this blog. A blog is a diary that people write on the internet. I will also directly address people throughout this. Don't feel left out though if I don't directly address you - it probably just means I can't think of an amusing way to do it. On that score, I have just woken up from a dream where Gav got Tim a job at Dods. Vodd.

Everyone said that Berliners were an unfriendly bunch. I can see glimpses of the unfriendly Berliner but invariably I have found the Berliner charming. We've been approached and offered help with directions by a young woman who did not seem unhinged. In London, it always seemed to be the nutters who would pro-actively offer assistance. The Turkish man in the local bakery kindly explained the name of the huge piece of bread (Fladenbrot) and was very cheerful to boot. On Sunday we are off to purchase two mobile phones (Orange are evil, they won't unlock our phones) for 10 Euro each. Bargain. The lady we are dealing with seems very friendly. John at the letting agency is friendly but he wants our cash so perhaps we won't count him. In summary, it is summer and the Berliner seems OK. I understand they change when it has been snowing for weeks on end. Jury still out but we'll give them the nod for now.

Our first viewing of a property in Berlin was a strange old affair. It was quite a studenty abode, so we knew instantaneously that it was not for us, but we played along with the viewing charade for the experience. The 'group viewing' idea is novel, efficient and akin to a beauty parade - quite an ugly one at that. Tessa is going travelling to New Zealand for 9 months and was renting her fully furnished apartment out. We were looking round the place trying to dodge the friend who was lurking in the bathroom - if anyone ever has a friend round for morale support when conducting a viewing please tell them to be seated. In the lounge. Very unnerving. There were a rather annoying couple who were the type of people who asked questions for the sake of it. The type of people who asked how much it was going to cost - after reading an advert online and booking an appointment to see the place. These were the people at school who had their hand up constantly and at work these are the people that cause meetings to be longer than they should.

I deal in Farenheit. Today it will be nearly 100. That, if you are a pasty skinned north easterner, is very hot. We'll thus be heading to a lake so that they aforementioned pasty skinned one can jump in the water to keep cool. There seems to be a 'lake culture' here which I guess is akin to Londoners heading to the nearest green space or Brighton when it is a weekend and a 'scorcher'. There's a tabloid hack in me somewhere. In other news it is 'British week' at Lidl so we have baked beans. Apparently in Britain, we also consume vast amounts of blackcurrent squash, shortbread, pre-cooked Thai noodles and 'black' tea.

I'm bored now so you lot must be. Bis dann.